1. Taoism: Shit happens.
2. Confucianism: Confucius say, "Shit happens."
3. Buddhism: If shit happens, it isn't really shit.
4. Zen Buddhism: Shit is, and is not.
5. Zen Buddhism #2: What is the sound of shit happening?
6. Hinduism: This shit has happened before.
7. Islam: If shit happens, it is the will of Allah.
8. Islam #2: If shit happens, kill the person responsible.
9. Islam #3: If shit happens, blame Israel.
10. Catholicism: If shit happens, you deserve it.
11. Protestantism: Let shit happen to someone else.
12. Presbyterian: This shit was bound to happen.
13. Episcopalian: It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve the right wine with it.
14. Methodist: It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve grape juice with it.
15. Congregationalist: Shit that happens to one person is just as good as shit that happens to another.
16. Unitarian: Shit that happens to one person is just as bad as shit that happens to another.
17. Lutheran: If shit happens, don't talk about it.
18. Fundamentalism: If shit happens, you will go to hell, unless you are born again. (Amen!)
19. Fundamentalism #2: If shit happens to a televangelist, it's okay.
20. Fundamentalism #3: Shit must be born again.
21. Judaism: Why does this shit always happen to us?
22. Calvinism: Shit happens because you don't work.
23. Seventh Day Adventism: No shit shall happen on Saturday.
24. Creationism: God made all shit.
25. Secular Humanism: Shit evolves.
26. Christian Science: When shit happens, don't call a doctor - pray!
27. Christian Science #2: Shit happening is all in your mind.
28. Unitarianism: Come let us reason together about this shit.
29. Quakers: Let us not fight over this shit.
30. Utopianism: This shit does not stink.
31. Darwinism: This shit was once food.
32. Capitalism: That's MY shit.
33. Communism: It's everybody's shit.
34. Feminism: Men are shit.
35. Chauvinism: We may be shit, but you can't live without us...
36. Commercialism: Let's package this shit.
37. Impressionism: From a distance, shit looks like a garden.
38. Idolism: Let's bronze this shit.
39. Existentialism: Shit doesn't happen; shit IS.
40. Existentialism #2: What is shit, anyway?
41. Stoicism: This shit is good for me.
42. Hedonism: There is nothing like a good shit happening!
43. Mormonism: God sent us this shit.
44. Mormonism #2: This shit is going to happen again.
45. Wiccan: An it harm none, let shit happen.
46. Scientology: If shit happens, see "Dianetics", p.157.
47. Jehovah's Witnesses: Knock Knock Shit happens.
48. Jehovah's Witnesses #2: May we have a moment of your time to show you some of our shit?
49. Jehovah's Witnesses #3: Shit has been prophesied and is imminent; only the righteous shall survive its happening.
50. Moonies: Only really happy shit happens.
51. Hare Krishna: Shit happens, rama rama.
52. Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this shit!
53. Zoroastrianism: Shit happens half on the time.
54. Church of SubGenius: BoB shits.
55. Practical: Deal with shit one day at a time.
56. Agnostic: Shit might have happened; then again, maybe not.
57. Agnostic #2: Did someone shit?
58. Agnostic #3: What is this shit?
59. Satanism: SNEPPAH TIHS.
60. Atheism: What shit?
61. Atheism #2: I can't believe this shit!
62. Nihilism: No shit.